FRUSTRATED

OMG, this stupid blogspot crap sucks. I only do this for Jamie, otherwise I hate this damn site! Can the freaking icons PLEASE BE FIXED??? I went to update/edit my old posts and add pictures, but apparently the guy that works this stuff is retarded...get someone new!!!

So, basically, b/c this site sucks, I can't put these pictures where they go...deal with it! They are not with the right day, thanks this site, not me!

These pictures are from yesterday at the Kaufmann house, and today at the park and baseball game...

I am really too frustrated and tired to write much tonight, I just want to go to bed and cry b/c I miss Deeva so much...so good-night!

Gloomy day?

I got to talk to Jamie today, and he is so distraught over Deeva. I have never seen him love a dog so much (although he will HATE me for saying this for the world to read!). He is truly, truly, truly upset over her death. This was perhaps the worst part of it all for me. I know how much she meant to ALL of us, and she will forever be missed!
To all of our family and friends: THANK you, sincerely and from the bottom of our hearts, for all of your condolences on our little princess. The emails, texts, myspace messages, phone calls and IM's are very much appreciated!!!

And on a lighter note....
Today was an improvement from yesterday, and to be honest I was quite scared of what could possibly happen next.
I still have no prospects on a house...prayers please!
I did get to talk to Jamie! YAYA
I was so tired this afternoon, I tried like crazy to get a nap to no prevail! My eyes have been so swollen from crying, I wasn't sure I could keep them open!
We went to Spfld to my sister's house for dinner. It was my step-dad's bday, so we had a nice dinner (thanks Jamie and Jeff!!!). I always love seeing the fam; my nephews are growing up so fast!!! I got to see my sweet girl, Melissa, my little sis...although she was in quite a funky mood...not sure why??? Fill me in SIS!!!
So, Jamie convinced me to go to CVS with her at like 9:00??? She is quite the bargain shopper, so why not! So, this is what I got..and don't ask me to explain how! LOL

3 Crest toothpaste (some fancy kind) @ 3.99 ea.
5 Colgate toothbrushes $2.99 ea.
2 Huggies Snug fit diapers (44 pack) $8.99 each
2 Huggies Natural fit (40 pack) 8.99 each
1 2 liter Pepsi $1.69
1 Adidas Deodorant $4.99
(I LEFT MY RECEIPTS IN THE CAR, I THINK THESE ARE ACCURATE)

So, this should have been around $69.56, and I only spent $34.00 with tax!!!
$3.00 off coupons (CVS)
$3.00 off coupon (CVS)
Extra care bucks on toothpaste, toothbrushes, and deodorant = 31.91

It was a little confusing to me, first timer here...and the lady messed up a few things, so it was a mess...and four trips! LOL Anyway, still exciting nonetheless.

So, on the way home, I hit an animal. I don't know what it was, I am thinking a fox? I didn't see it until I hit it. I had to pull over b/c my car was pulling so badly, but it looks okay and we are home...It is almost midnight, and I am tired...goodnight!

????????

I am just feeling so bummed out. Losing Deeva yesterday has really devastated me, and I cannot seem to shake it. I know it takes time, but I just can't stop crying!!! Every time Rowan is asleep or in the other room, the waterworks start again. Then I wipe my face and put a smile on, like I am somehow tricking him! He knows, and I need to get it together PRONTO!!! God, I just miss her SO MUCH! Pet lovers, dog owners, you know where I am coming from. Deeva was a gift from my husband when he went to Iraq the first time, in 2005. She was also the niece of our beloved Gucci (passed in 2004). My Yorkies are like my children; they go everywhere with me! It was wonderful being in Germany, b/c pets are allowed EVERYWHERE, and we took advantage of it! She went sight seeing with us all the time. Our Army friends LOVED Deeva, she kind of became our little mascot! LOL Every time Jamie and I went somewhere, several people would offer to watch her for us. She was VERY much loved!!! She is was our little sweetheart, and she loved everyone she ever met...

OKAY, I can't talk about it anymore...
I am still upset about the house. I have no more options at this point. I have looked at every house in our price range within a 20 mile radius!!!! I am out of options...I am stressed...I WANT A FREAKING HOUSE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sad, I am mad, I am agitated, I miss Jamie and I miss our Deevers.... God, PLEASE let things turn around for us soon. I really cannot handle all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our beloved little princess, Deeva Rae

Today we lost our baby girl...we miss you sugar! Below is an email that I sent to family and friends explaining what happened...

Hello family and friends, I was going to try to make phone calls to some of you, and I apologize for sending a mass email about this. I just do not know how many more times I can handle telling this...so please forgive me. Today has been a really rough day here. Deeva was scheduled to have her teeth cleaned at 8:30, and she also was needing to have some teeth pulled. Jamie and I were aware that she had an infection in her teeth, as she was seen by a vet in Germany 10 days prior to flying home. As soon as Jamie and Deeva were home, I called our vet, Dr. Ebry, to schedule her appointment. This was back in March. They could not get her in until today. First thing this morning, I took Deeva to Dr. Ebry's office and left her. I was told to pick her up around 3, no later than 4:30. At around 2:00, Dr. Ebry called me to tell me that Deeva was not doing well and to come in as soon as I could. Angie came to watch Rowan for me; I was pretty much a wreck at this point...poor Rowan had no idea what was going on!!! When I got there, she was lying on a table, and Dr. Ebry was manually pumping air into her lungs. They are not sure what happened; in fact, he said that in 36 years, this has never happened before. He was visibly upset and shaken as well, and he told me that he had even been praying over her. Her heart was still beating, so I wouldn't let them give up on her...Dr. Ebry was very patient and sat there with me. He had to revive her once, and they gave her two shots to keep her breathing. He said he couldn't give her any more shots (I can't remember what it was called, sorry). For a few minutes, Deeva started to come out of it, and she was breathing on her own. She opened her little eyes and looked at me, and I was talking to her and rubbing her belly. I thought, for that slight moment, that she was going to be okay. I must have been there for somewhere around an hour. Dr. Ebry said she had been in and out all morning; when they gave her the anesthesia, they were helping her breathe then. When she woke up, he said she was rolling her tongue around, responding when they pinched her paws, etc., and then shortly after she was down again. I certainly did not expect this to happen when I took her in for a routine teeth cleaning!!! I am shocked and so upset. I miss her terribly, and coming home without my baby girl is devastating. At this point, I am not sure what happened. I feel terrible! They asked me if I wanted to do a blood test to test her liver, lung and heart function before they gave her the anesthesia, and I declined it. Now I am wishing I had done it!!! It could have been something different, like an allergy to the anesthesia, I don't know... They said that it could have also been an infection that had spread, and we just were not aware of it. Deeva has been in heat, and she has been acting a little sluggish lately, but I contributed that to her being in heat...she always acted funny when she was in heat! They said they could do an autopsy, but I also declined that. I just don't want to know if it was something that I could have prevented; I would never let myself live it down!!! Please say a little prayer for our beloved little baby girl, Deeva. She is very missed already!!!! As for Rowan, he doesn't seem to notice that things are different, other than the fact that Di and I are crying our eyes out. I know, "she is a pet", but she is also a part of our family...not "just a dog" to us!!! She was with me the first time Jamie was in Iraq, and it is going to be funny without her this time around. It is going to take some getting used to, and I don't think I will ever be a dog owner again! First my Gucci, now Deeva...I just don't think I can do it again!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the long email... XOXOXOX,Ashley

CREATIVE IDEAS???

Okay all, I am in desperate need of your help. My 3 year anniversary with my husband is coming up. For those of you who do not know me, Jamie is in Iraq and will not be home for leave until AUGUST!!!! Our anniversary is on the 20th. I do not have a lot of money to spend on a gift, and I have to have it in the mail next week...please help me with ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks people!

XOXOXO LOVES

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Today could have only been more perfect IF...Jamie were home, and if Kyle was with us!!! It was wonderful!!! :-) For starters, Jamie called me first thing this morning, telling me, "you are the best mom EVER"..that is always so good to hear!
Next thing, of course, was just seeing my little man first thing this morning; he's gorgeous; he's perfect, and what a wonderful life he is giving me. For me, Mother's Day was more about celebrating the life of my son, making me a mother...
I started cooking and baking as soon as the day started. I made some stuffed pork chops and sweet corn on the grill, deviled eggs, baked beans, Italian bread, hash brown casserole (this is pretty much Jamie's FAVORITE meal), and for dessert I made a strawberry jell-o cake with fresh sliced strawberries on top. Tim, Angie and Justin came over for lunch, and of course we did gifts... We got Di a 10 x 13 photo from Rowan's one year pictures. She got me a cd (mommies one), 2 beautiful cards and money to put towards an afternoon at the spa! PERFECT!!! Rowan also got me a card, and it was so cute.
Thank you to all of you who thought of me today; I really appreciate it!!! I got a few text messages from: Hope, Elesha, Cori, Jenn, Mindi, Melissa and my wonderful hubby!!! Cards have been coming in the mail all week, mostly from my card-crazy Aunt Karen (she is even WORSE than me, hard to do~!). I got to talk to my mom, my mother-in-law, father-in-law...I don't even know who else, and I know I am leaving people out!!! The best phone call came this afternoon, from Kyle and Karena. It literally made my day!!! It was so nice of them to think of me on Mother's day, and someday they will fully understand just how special they are to me.
Okay, gotta run for now. Happy Mother's Day to all of you!!!!!!!!!!

MORE ABOUT MY HOUSE OFFER

Hey folks, we are losing power off and on right now, so I can't say too much. Hopefully tomorrow I will have some time to sit down and tell you alllllllllll ALL about this deal with Judy Eoff and Remax...until then, good night, and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOX

Evening pictures

Rowan on the deck, his favorite place in the whole, wide world!!!

Rowan wearing his new CUBS hat!!! This is a future major-leager folks! Look how cute he is in this hat...now, if I could just get him to keep it on his head!


GO CUBBIES!!!
I think it must be bed time???
AND finally, he finds the trash can...he empties the trash can...he wears the trash can...I hope I found all the diapers! LOL

more pictures!

After bath time, it's chow time!!! Look at that face! You try telling him he can't eat icecream for lunch!!! :-)

Rowan taking a bath

This was a fun time!!! Rowan really loves his bath time!